| Why Christians Should Love Abortions |
[23 Sep 2009|05:45pm] |
1.Heaven is the ultimate goal of existence. Life on earth is temporary, and merely a proving ground, the reward for which is eternity in heaven.(Matthew 5:12, 6:19-20) The alternative is an eternity of torment in Hell. (Mark 9:43-48)
2. Only a select few people will escape damnation and make it to heaven.(Matthew 7:13-14). Even people who call themselves Christians (even those who perform miracles and drive out demons!) will not live up to the strict standards set by the Lord, and will thus burn in Hell for eternity. (Matthew 7:21-23)
3. Children are innocent, and the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them. (Matthew 18:3, 19:14) Despite the physical death brought about by original sin, the sinful actions and thoughts of a person condemn them to hell. (Ezekiel 18:17-23). Newborns and fetuses have committed no sinful actions or thoughts which would disqualify them from Heaven.
4. Given premise 3, young children who die or are killed go to heaven.
5. Given premises 2 and 3, if a child is allowed to mature to the age of accountability, the overwhelming odds are that the child will go to Hell when it dies.
6. Although murder is a sin, the Bible say3 that only blaspheming the holy spirit is unforgivable. All other sins may be repented of and forgiven. (Mark 3:28-29)
7. Given 1-6, it is the moral obligation of all Christian women to have an abortion every time they become pregnant, and the Christian men, as the heads of the household and masters women (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22-25, Titus 2:3-5, 1 Peter 3:1) to ensure she does. This guarantees that any potential offspring avoid damnation and go to Heaven. The parents can then repent and join them in heaven upon their eventual deaths.
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| Spectacular First World Problems! |
[23 Sep 2009|04:48am] |
The Verizon DSL I recently set up has been giving me a lot of problems over the past few days. I think the connection issues are finally fixed, but this isn't the first time I've thought that. Regardless, the speed is still about half of what we're paying for at best. At worst it's an agonizing crawl. I have made a short short video review regarding the frustrations I've experienced:
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| Hi again. |
[18 Sep 2009|11:57pm] |
So I finally have my own steady stream of internets going on, and that's great.
I wasn't going to say much besides that, but looking at various Flickr accounts has rekindled my passionate hatred for about 80 or 90 percent of photography majors.
"OOOHH LOOK AT MEEEEE I just took some pictures of myself NAKED because I want to feel sexually liberated/I'm an attention whore but I'm too classy to be in a porno. Oohh and now I took a picture of my cute boyfriend/girlfriend... naked! Oohh we're so DARING for ART. Wow hey I just took some pictures with a FISH-EYE LENS. Isn't that CRAZY? I took a picture of a MAN in WOMEN'S CLOTHES isn't that just so ARTISTIC and SILLY?? Aren't men who wear dresses just SO SILLY? Now I'm going to dress up my friends like Alice in Wonderland characters and take craaazy pictures of them because if there's one motif that hasn't been done to death it's Alice in fucking Wonderland. I have to make sure to use either a really new and expensive camera or a really old/shitty camera because it's not composition and imagination that determines the worth of a photograph, it's what kind of film it's printed on!"
Honestly, fuck off.
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| The Closest Thing I Will Ever Have To A Son |
[14 Aug 2009|08:21pm] |
A few weeks ago, a snail climbed up to my third floor balcony and decided to stay. I named him William H. Macy (there is a perfectly reasonable yet horrible explanation for this) and gave him a home in the form of a potato growing in a cardboard box full of dirt.
The original run time of this footage before I sped it up clocked in at around eight minutes.
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[11 Aug 2009|11:56pm] |
After voting "False" and commenting in a Facebook poll titled "Do you think the book of mormon is true or false?" the following message appeared in my inbox, from a young man named Jordan:
"Hey, if its ok, I would like to help you as you read the Book of Mormon. You can message me if you have any questions, and I will answer them to the best of my abilities. I am no genius on the doctorine in it, but I will ask my Bishop, my young mens leader, and God. If its ok with you that is."
I decided to take the him up on his generous offer, and responded:
"Okay, I'm only on the title page, but already I'm having problems. It says "An abridgment taken from the Book of Ether also, which is a record of the people of Jared." I'm really confused, because Subway sandwich shops weren't even around back then, let alone their spokesman Jared. Is Subway a Mormon restaurant? Please help."
Unfortunately, I have yet to receive any further correspondence from Jordan.
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| Updating from elsewhere |
[05 Aug 2009|03:44pm] |
I've been using the Boston Public Library for internet access. Halfof this place looks like the grand estate of a turn-of-the-century oil baron or railroad magnate. The other half looks like an underfunded state college. Anyway, I had this conversation and I'm posting it here because I have two minutes left of computer time and nothing really sunstantial to say in that time anyway:
Steph: have you seen taken?
Me: no
Steph: do yu think it'd be any good
Me: I have no idea! Go see G Force.
Steph: lol NO. f hampsetrs
Me: they're guinea pigs, not hamsters
Steph: oh sorry
Me: you obviously know nothing about G Force and need to see it immediately
Steph: it looks dumb. sorry.
Me: what are you talking about? It's clearly a masterpiece of cinema.
Me: I'm sorry if you are just too uncultured to understand the subtle artistry and socioeconomic symbolism of secret agent rodents who fart on each other
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[26 Jul 2009|06:09pm] |
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For those of you not in the know, I moved to Brighton a couple of weeks ago and my apartment probably won't have internets until September, which totally STINKS.
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| Ecarnomy |
[07 Jul 2009|07:12pm] |
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If an engine needs four quarts of oil, you should give it four quarts of oil. The Republicans say no, it should be given only one quart, because that is more fiscally responsible. Democrats, not wanting to upset the Republicans despite their filibuster-proof majority, decide to settle on 2.5 quarts. Then, when the engine seizes, Republicans will blame the Democrats for suggesting that the engine needs oil and swear that Reagan could have made it run without any oil at all, despite the fact that Reagan would have put five quarts of oil in the damn thing and mounted a rocket launcher on the roof.
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| That'll show 'em. |
[26 May 2009|02:07pm] |
I got an email from some activist group or another today with a subject line that sums up exactly what's been wrong with liberalism in America for as long as I've been alive:
"Court upholds ban on gay marriage - fight back with a free sticker."
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| Mustard Ass |
[08 May 2009|11:32pm] |
Let me tell you all something. I love Dijon mustard, especially on hot dogs. This is hardly surprising considering how much of a liberal elitist I am. The problem is that it's always so damn hard to get. I go to the grocery store and ask "Excuse me, where can I find the Dijon mustard?" You know what they do? They LAUGH IN MY FACE and tell me to get the fuck out. I have to either drive two hours out of my way to an outrageously expensive condiment boutique on Cape Cod or have it specially delivered from the south of France. Obama may be used to getting his caviar and Dijon mustard at a moment's notice, but his lifelong ivory tower trappings have sheltered him from the real world. You'll notice that the person taking Obama's order displays the kind of stunned silence one would have if Obama had asked for a unicorn steak. As one of the lucky few who have even laid eyes on a bottle of Dijon mustard, I wonder if the poor counter-jockey even knew what it WAS. Fortunately, the muckrakers are out in full force, blowing a hole straight trough the compliance of the MSM and explain that it's downright strange and possibly un-American to order a burger without ketchup. (We all know how much conservatives loathe Texans, who traditionally eat mustard-only burgers.) In fact, the realest of Real Americans make their own ketchup in their yards by mashing possum tails. The courageous pundits also explain to the confused masses just WHAT this rare, elitist sauce known as "Dijon mustard" actually IS. The answer, of course, is Grey Poupon. Grey Poupon, the only Dijon mustard in existence, which long ago taunted average Americans with television spots featuring the two wealthiest Jews in Europe trading subtle pleads and taunts from the comfort of their Rolls-Royces. The laughable claim of it being "affordable" was nothing more than a giant middle finger to the bottom 99.2% of Americans. Honestly, if a man in a car that costs more than your house has to chase a wealthier man in a more expensive car just to beg for a dollop of his MUSTARD, how the hell do you think YOU'LL be able to afford a jar for yourself, much less find one?
My friends, this is the gaffe to end all gaffes. Forget "I'm not a crook," forget "Read my lips," forget "I did not have sexual relations," and "Mission Accomplished," because this blows them all out of the water.
In short, Obama is doomed.
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| Cadbury Scream |
[05 May 2009|11:29pm] |
The other night Kelsey was reading some ridiculous Craigslist ads out loud to me and a couple of other people and I posted this in the W4M section just for laffs:
I really like cadbury eggs but since easter ended they aren't in stores anymore so if you have a stockpile of cadbury eggs you should come over to my house and feed them to me. Baby.
I expected to get a couple of replies, but what I didn't expect was the goddamn inundation of them. It started off as amusing but eventually just made me hate my own gender. It was up for less than a day and got more than 40 goddamn responses.
( You want to read them? Fine, go ahead. )
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| I can still be surprised |
[21 Apr 2009|09:05am] |
The Bush administration approved torture. Of preteen children. With INSECTS.
This sounds like something a fucking comic book villain would do, except most comic book villains wouldn't even be that messed up.
I just... wow. It's like every time you learn some horrific new aspect about these people you're shocked and think "well, they can't possibly do worse than THIS." And then two weeks later you find out they FUCKING DID. At this rate by this time next year someone's going to release a video of George W. Bush personally throwing a litter of kittens into a burlap sack and then bashing it with a crucifix on Abraham Lincoln's grave, then pissing into the pool of blood and lamenting "Too bad we can't take care of the niggers like this!" after snorting three lines of cocaine.
Then, even after this, we'll have to watch several pundits on five networks agree that everyone makes mistakes and that we should forgive him because it wasn't really THAT bad and at least he didn't raise taxes on rich people.
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| Journalism pet peeve |
[19 Apr 2009|03:17pm] |
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It seems like just about article I read begins with something completely unrelated to the subject, then the writer ties it in to the subject, then talks about the subject for the rest of the article and "cleverly" references the thing mentioned at the beginning to close the article.
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| Stuff White People Like |
[16 Apr 2009|12:24am] |
Well, the insane ones anyway.
"I remember protesting the Iraq War in 2003 before the invasion. I was in Washington, DC and had never seen so many people in one place before. Protests against our insane government were occurring all over the planet on that day--in some overseas cities a million people showed up.
There wasn't a single network promoting these events around the clock. In fact, I can't recall a single cable news host that was even sympathetic in those days--except Phil Donahue, whose show was canceled despite being the top rated program on MSNBC. There was no major funding and promotion from interest groups in Washington. There wasn't very much support from the Democratic Party, many of whom supported that bloody debacle.
If that many people descended on Washington today for a Tea Party Protest, conservative lawmakers would be trampling each other to get in front of the crowds and cameras.
I think Dennis Kucinich showed up at the one I was at."
--Matt Bors
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excusemesenator's journal